It Shouldn't Hurt This Much
by chinadoll
Summary: This is right after Buffy told Spike she couldn't see him anymore. Spike is gone. How will Buffy cope? My first Buffy fic. Please r&r. Chapter 1 is revised and chp. 2 is up.
1. It's Over

Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine so DON'T SUE ME!   
  
Buffy walked away from the crypt, from the darkness and into the sunlight. The sun felt warm on  
her shoulders but Buffy was cold inside. This is what I wanted, she thought to herself. It's better  
this way.   
  
The next night, she went patrolling again. She missed Spike, that much she would admit to  
herself. She missed his company, his sarcasm, even his lewd jokes. It was a slow night. The only  
sound that permeated through the darkness were crickets chirping.  
  
Buffy sighed. God, how she wished her life was different. Everything just seemed so much  
harder now without Spike even though it has only been a day. He was someone she could count  
on, hold on to when things got tough. He was the only one who really knew her. A wave of  
sadness swept over her and she had to fight the urge to run to his crypt, and his arms holding her,  
never letting go.   
  
Two weeks later, after not seeing Spike since that day she broke it off with him, she went down  
to his crypt. Just to tell him that Dawn misses him, she reassured herself. Not because she badly  
wanted to see him, hear his voice.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy called out. Her voice echoed in the crypt. "Spike, c'mon. Where are you?" She  
looked around and saw on a table, was a note.  
  
As she read it, all the blood drained out of her face, leaving it as white as the paper she was  
clutching.  
  
He left.  
  
Buffy fell onto her knees, tears silently making their way down her drawn face. A corner of her  
mind shouted, this is what you wanted, remember? You wanted Spike out of your life. He's just a  
thing. An ugly disgusting thing.   
  
So why should it hurt this much?  
  
TBC....... 


	2. Lost

NOTE: Tara and Willow have gotten back together. Don't ask me how, don't ask me why. They  
just did.  
  
  
The Scoobies huddled at a table in the back of the Magic Shop. Xander threw worried  
glances at Buffy and asked, "What is wrong with her? She seemed to be getting better, but now,  
all of a sudden . . ." he trailed off.  
  
"Tara, what do you think?" Willow asked. "You've been talking to Buffy a lot lately. Has  
she mentioned anything?"   
  
Tara hesitated, unsure of what she should say. She found Buffy sitting on the steps of the  
house the other night. When she asked what was wrong, Buffy silently handed her a crumbled up  
note. Tara sighed, and decided that she had to tell them, for Buffy's sake. "Um . . .Well . . ." Four  
pairs of eyes stared at her and Tara muttered a silent apology to Buffy and said, "She's been  
seeing Spike for awhile. You know, really seeing." Watching for their expressions, Tara  
hurriedly went on. "She broke it off with him a couple of weeks ago and apparently Spike left  
town. So she's been trying to deal with the fact that he's gone."  
  
Xander's eyes looked like they were going to pop out. "God, Tara, how could you say  
that? She would never go for some neutered, undead freak. It has to be something else."  
  
"Shut up, Xander!" Dawn suddenly yelled. Glancing over at Buffy, Dawn quickly  
lowered her voice. "I am sick and tired of you making fun of Spike. Spike took care of me when  
Buffy was gone, and he helped all of you. He's done so much good and he made Buffy happy.  
That's more than I can say for you Xander!"   
  
"Well, I for one can see how Buffy was attracted to Spike," said Anya. He has a very nice  
body.  
  
"Anya, not helping," glared Xander.  
  
"I think we should find Spike," said Willow, who had remained quiet as the other  
Scoobies argued.  
  
"Will are you crazy? We should be having a party!" Xander retorted.  
  
"Look at her!" cried Dawn. "She hasn't been like this since she first came back. Xander,  
you know it's true. You've seen Spike and Buffy together. Don't be so goddamn blind!"  
  
That momentarily silenced them. They've never heard Dawn cuss before.  
  
Tara was the first one to break the silence. "We're not going to help Buffy by arguing  
with each other. Buffy needs our help and I agree with Willow. I think we should find Spike."  
  
Buffy sat on a chair, looking out of a window. She was oblivious to the voices that were  
going on behind her. A sense of emptiness prevailed over her. She never thought that Spike  
would leave her. Spike, who proclaimed that he loved her, and that he always would.  
Spike, who promised to never leave her, to always be there for her. But he left. Just like everyone  
else.  
  
TBC....... 


End file.
